Food Shaming: My Own Personal Saboteur

Have you ever eaten something in front of someone else and felt the need to explain why you were eating it?  Or have you ever been with someone who tries out every new diet or reads every "health" book on the market and felt that they were judging your perfectly healthy turkey sandwich at lunch?  Or how about, have you ever eaten carrots in front of someone who follows a high protein diet (like Atkins or Paleo) only to be told that you were poisoning yourself with sugar?  As a nutritionist, people automatically think that I am judging what they are eating.  In a way, they are right, but not in the way you think.

One of the most important tools in my "bag of tricks" that I use to help people reach their goal, whether it be weight loss or managing their heart disease, is the food diary.  To do this, a person writes down everything they eat, the amount they eat, and in some cases, what time they consumed the food and their mood at the time of consumption.  A food diary can be kept for one day, three days, weeks, or infinitely.  This can be a useful tool in determining the cause of high cholesterol or a gassy belly.  But it can also be sabotaged; some do not like to write down foods they think I may judge, or amounts they think I will say are far too much.  Unless I know all of the little details, I won't have all of the information I need to help them.  Food diary guidelines seem simple enough to follow... until the tables were turned on me.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I was diagnosed with Post-Infectious Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IP-IBS).  I have sworn off the foods and food groups that I and a number of specialists have deemed culprits of my discomfort.  But even with eating gluten/dairy/egg/sesame free (in addition to a few others), I am still not well.  So I decided to start the process again of searching for a treatment with a new doctor.  I saw her last week and left her office with my first assignment:  Keep a two-week food diary.  Should be simple for me, right?  I have others do it and I have been keeping a food diary for myself (either writing it down or keeping a daily mental count of macro-nutrients or Weight Watchers Points) so I know what to do.  Wrong.  Immediately, I felt judged.  I keep a food diary, yes, but no one looks at it.  So if I have a little chocolate, or 1/2 a bag of baby carrots, no one will judge me.  Now, I have to share not only what I eat and how much, but when I eat.  If you are a grazer like me, you eat what feels like constantly.  I am eating every 2 hours - it may just be a fruit - but it feels often when I have to share my habits.  And then on top of being a grazer, this new doctor and I discussed a new diet that many IBS sufferers are doing well with, called the FODMAP diet.  Essentially, all foods with high content of certain sugars should be avoided.  Some of these foods include my daily and weekly favorites:  Apples, mangoes, watermelon, cauliflower, broccoli, and beans.  I am not to start this diet yet, I am to stick to what I normally eat and track my discomfort, but I can't help but feel shame for eating cauliflower, knowing it will be a no-no when I test out the FODMAP diet.  How ridiculous is that?  How many can say that their food shame is cauliflower??

Food shaming is one of the causes of inaccurate food diaries and the source of the cause of "closet eating" for many failed dieters.  Food shame can be built up from so many places:  What you learned about "good" and "bad" food from your parents or in school, what a friend insisted is scientific fact after watching a TV doctor tout the risks of eating certain foods or food groups, from a diet you have seen someone else find success following, or from a scientific professional tell you that a specific food is the cause of your ailment.  All of this information is recorded in your brain and played back for you by the voice in your head.  That food shame voice can sabotage your best efforts to reach your goal.  It makes you feel bad about your efforts to take care of yourself.  In some cases, it can make you feel bad enough that you deem your efforts as "not enough" and abandon your goal completely.  So what do we do to avoid this unnecessary evil that makes us feel unworthy?

Stop listening.  Stop listening to that voice in your head that says you can't do it.  Stop listening when it says that you are not doing enough.  Stop listening to all of its negative comments, digs, and insults.  Instead, teach it positive reinforcement.  When I gave birth to my son, I had over 30 pounds to lose and losing weight never came easy to me.  The two tools that helped me the most were my food diary and my mantra.  I slowly began to teach that voice in my head not to call me names or tell me that I wasn't doing well because I had a few french fries.  My mantra was simple: I told myself as often as I needed to hear it, "At least I'm doing something about it."  When that voice would say, "Look at that jiggly belly," I would tell it, "At least I'm doing something about it."  When it would say, "You run slow," or "You're always the biggest one in the room," I would say, "At least I'm doing something about it."  Slowly, the voice's mantra of "You're a fat sh*t" (it was a really mean voice) got quiet.  It was replaced by a kinder voice that would tell me, "Look what your body can do: It can move, it can take care of a family, it can make babies!"  And if I had a rough day and ate more than I should, or didn't move as much as I should, or wasn't the best parent I could be, I would set my intention to stay the course and it would remind me, "At least you are doing something about it."

I am a few days into my food diary for this new doctor and I can hear the change.  I set my intention to not be judged by anyone, even myself.  After all, the doctor's purpose of assigning the food diary was not to shame me, not to judge me, but to help me, even cure me.  I had to quiet the nasty voice once again, but after doing so, I was able to see that with my efforts to keep a thorough and honest food diary, I was part of the solution to my belly problems.  And so, like many times before, and I am sure many times to come, I have to make a conscious effort to drown out the food shaming, body-hating, effort-sabotaging voice and listen for my mantra.  And today, I can hear it loud and clear: "At least I'm doing something about it."  I just love that voice.