This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own.

Health & Fitness

Heather's Powerful Holiday Letter to Alienated Parents

Holidays for Divorced/Separated Kids and their families can be horrific when a parent keeps the children from their other parent.

Heather's Powerful Letter

With holidays approaching, I can only imagine how hard it is for everyone here. So I wanted to offer some food for thought..

When I was younger and Christmas was coming up... I hated it. Because whenever there was a change in routine to accommodate a holiday or birthdays, there was always going to be conflict over how much time is to be spent with each parent. My dad would scrape up some last minute plans or traditions so that my mom would get minimal time, I would be forced to write a letter to my lawyer basically parroting what my dad said to me, and if things didn't go according to my dads plan he would find a way to make them su...itable. Even if it meant he had to take off with me before my mom came to pick me up. I'm not gonna lie guys, it felt very traumatic and terrifying whenever my dad did this because I knew it wasn't right and I knew how upset and hurt my mom would be, but at the same time I knew that if I didn't go along with what my dad wanted, he would have been insanely angry and I was very afraid of not having my dads approval or feeling like he was ashamed of me.. I knew that if I went along with what my dad wanted, it would hopefully spare me from my dad yelling and doing things to hurt my mom.

I can't even begin to imagine how my mom felt when this happened, how many of you feel, and I also know that a lot of TPs feel like their kids don't want to see them because they don't like them.. That is NOT true at all. PA children are innocent. We are forced to learn and adapt so we can survive in the circumstances we are placed in, and will do what we can to avoid as much stress as possible because we carry so much already. Every time I lashed out at my mom in anger, it wasn't because I was angry. I was afraid. If there was anything I could have done that could have spared me from one of my dads talks, I would have done it in a heartbeat. And since my dad made a point of grilling me right when I came home from my moms, he used to say that "I looked like I had been talked to". Every visit he did this to me until I figured out how to mask everything. Even then it didn't spare me completely. It used to be so frustrating. I honestly thought it was going to drive me insane at one point.

Find out what's happening in Southburywith free, real-time updates from Patch.

Your children don't want to maliciously hurt you or make you feel bad, you're their parent. My mom was always on my mind on the days she wasn't with me, just like you are on your children's mind everyday. Even today, my dad who was the AP is still fairly dear to me. I've grown to accept that there is a distinct chance our relationship can't be reformed which is a shame, however I won't forget him. I'm not hostile towards him, but I do feel sad because I wish that things didn't have to be this way.. But there are lessons I've learned and there are also some lessons that my dad has yet to learn. He may never learn them even, so for now all I can't do is wait patiently and improve upon myself. That's all anyone can do.

We’ve removed the ability to reply as we work to make improvements. Learn more here

The views expressed in this post are the author's own. Want to post on Patch?